What really is Love?

To be candid I don’t know the meaning or the definition of love and there is no universally acceptable definition of love. When people are asked about love, it meaning or definition, different people are bound to come up with different attributes and characteristics of love. Religious people will say the whole definition of Love is God because God is love.
I agree but in the same book where such is written is the same connotation that if you claim to love God and do not love your neighbour, you lie. Love is spiritual but it is expressed in human term; thus the seed of love is spiritual but it takes social exhibition and interaction for it to be visible or understood. In erotic relationship, we are in the days and age where Hollywood has become the standard yardstick or gauge for measuring or determining love. To fall in love with a guy or lady he/she must possess those physical attributes which we think add value to self and which makes the person appealing to sight. He must be tall, masculine, have six pack, the biceps of Voltron, have baritone etc. and on the other side the lady must be beautiful, fresh skinned (if possible fair skin), flat tummy, nice curves, a well indented belly button etc. They are the images cast and wired in our mind by Hollywood, celebrity magazine etc. and we have wired it as part of the social consciousness to getting a Boyfriend/girlfriend, fiancee/finance or a spouse. It has become a thing of social acceptance more than the value system of the person. I did a profile of the ladies I have ever date and something unusual was the conclusion. All the ladies I have dated have almost the same stature. I asked a good friend about hers and the same pattern emerged. She had dated mostly dark skinned guys despite the claim that she does not have a preference in term of complexion. As much as it is normal or acceptable or even in vogue to dress nicely, to aspire and work on one’s physical structure to be able to look nice, those attributes can only be maintained for certain seasons of life. The physical condition can be unstable or can deteriorate, the wow factor cannot be there after five years marriage and sleeping together for a long time (by then you have known his/her good and bad side) and those characteristics fade away when value were not developed and beauty is only for public show and not for entertainment in marriage 

Love is much more than a feeling, love can be learnt and mature souls learn it. Boys and girls fall in love by feeling but real men and women fall in love by choice. If someone has consciously taken time, pain to develop core value, character, morals etc. and the best way to fall in love is by feeling then the probability of ending up with a Jerk is high.

Who should Match Make?

Sometimes ago, a friend on Facebook posted this question ‘Should Parents ‘Arrange’ Life Partners for Their Children?

I saw a lot of divergent opinions about it and it made it very interesting for me but one comment startled me ‘It is biblical’. I don’t know where and when bible made it a standard for parent to choose or not to choose partners for their children. We of the present age really detest parent choosing for us but we can allow our inexperienced friends, colleagues etc. to match make us

This was my own response to the post ‘I don’t have a problem with such arrangement because I lump everything together in match making but we do always tend to see it from a different angle in this generation depending on the person doing the match making. However many match making are often disaster including those done by parent because match makers don’t often take into consideration the two people involved. Their intentions are often skewed in favour of one of the intended partner. For example one is rich and the other can be lifted off poverty. One is of good behaviour and the other can be inducted into good behaviour. The extreme side is when the match maker has something to benefit from the relationship which is outside the interest of the people involved. When match makers have good and clear intentions, it is often very good irrespective of who is doing the match making (parent, friends, family etc.). I think it is often good to date someone with reference. Blind date, relationship, marriage is a big gamble’ (some words edited to match the circumstance of presentation).

From the biblical angle, I have always had problem with people that use one circumstance as a one size fit for all situations. God chose Eve for Adam agreed. The issue of consent is another issue for debate. Abraham chose Rebecca for Isaac. But who chose Sarah for Abraham? Leah was imposed on Jacob but he still went ahead to marry his heartthrob (Rachel). There are different cases of matchmaking in the bible which were not standard injunction from God but were dictated by the tradition and circumstance of their time. Some people have even gone into the commentary of insinuating that Rachel died prematurely because she was not God’s will for Jacob. She died because she stole the idol of her father’s house etc. We like being spiritual than living. We codify convenient aspect of the bible and in so doing we make a mockery and mess of people’s life. For those who want to get married, be ready to accept the responsibility of the so called love irrespective of who is doing the match making. To me Loving is more of choice than feelings. Marriage is spiritual but social intelligence is needed to make it work. Please don’t tell me God chose your partner for you because I have seen extremely troubled relationship that ‘God was the chooser’. For those God chose for and it is working, you have put effort into it than just relying on the statement of God choosing. For those in deep shit please seek counseling from people that can be of good help.

I don’t feel qualified to talk about relationship and marriage issues because I always believe individual relationship is unique. Moreover, I am still working mine out. What is your take? Where does your faith lie?